Founder of the Wicare Lekota Foundation, Diane Qalu, has called for a fundamental rethinking of traditional widowhood practices in Nigeria, describing them as outdated, oppressive, and harmful to the dignity of women who have lost their spouses.
Speaking on Newscentral’s Jasiri on Monday, Qalu recounted the painful experience of losing her husband ten years ago while raising three small children — a four-year-old, a 22-month-old, and an eight-week-old baby. She said beyond the grief, she was subjected to age-old customs that expected her to remain indoors for 40 days, refrain from public appearances, and adopt a dejected appearance to conform to societal expectations.
“It was like someone bringing you out to the desert and leaving you there, not knowing where you’re going — left or right,” she said. “One moment you’re a married woman, the next you’re not sure who you are. Are you married? Are you single? There’s so much confusion.”
Qalu said the customs were enforced without clear justification and condemned what she described as “oppression by dead ancestors,” accusing communities of clinging to practices that subjugate widows.
“A couple of persons decided I wasn’t worthy to associate with them because I was too dressed up to be a widow. Like I should have burnt all my clothes, shaved my head, and looked very dejected to satisfy their selfish perception.”
Qalu also highlighted how these customs often ignore practical realities. She recalled how her two-month-old daughter was due for immunisation during the mourning period, but cultural expectations forbade her from stepping outside.
In response to these experiences, Qalu established the Wicare Lekota Foundation, a non-governmental organisation that provides widows with psychosocial support, legal aid, and empowerment programs. Through the foundation, she advocates for an end to harmful widowhood rites and protects widows’ rights in Nigeria.
“No one should have to suffer twice — once from the loss of a spouse and again from oppressive traditions,” she stated.
